Rudolph the Green-Nosed Reindeer

What with all the flying-reindeer emissions, heating a workshop at the North Pole, and causing the deaths of millions of baby evergreen-trees every December, Santa Claus sure ain't the most environmentally-conscience, earth-friendly guy on the planet. Just taking into account his annual round-the-world flight, Santa's carbon footprint even rivals those of those big-energy swilling smog-monsters like Al Gore and Michael Moore!

When his lead reindeer makes an attempt to go green, and comply with the new CFL mandate, Santa sees red, and gives Rudolph his walking papers – or in this case I guess it would be "flying papers." I think Santa's is still holding a grudge from the time he flew his sleigh into the government-subsidized wind turbine, which caused him to crash land into one of those (also government subsidized) Solyndra solar panels.


Merry Christmas, everyone! Hope you enjoyed my environmentally-friendly, green e-card.

(No baby evergreen-trees were harmed in the making of the Christmas Card – but a whole bunch of adult evergreen-trees were chopped down, coated in tar, and used to hang cables on so I could upload this e-card from my computer to my to my blog. Those poor chopped down, tar-coated evergreen trees... nobody even bothers to decorate them... well maybe the birds do... and probably even flying reindeer sometimes, too.)

©2011 Barry/Right-Hemisphere Laboratory

Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Badger, too!

In early drafts, Milne and Shepard introduced Eegore Hunny-Badger to the lovable cast-of-characters that lived and frolicked in the the Hundred Acre Woods. Regretfully, they were soon to realize their creative blunder – that a Pooh Bear, a Hunny Badger, and a hunny pot were a bad-mix, and, pretty much, an "accident" waiting to happen. Sure enough, it wasn't long 'til the Badger, in a battle for sole possession of the hunny pot, "accidentally," and quite literally, tore the stuffing out of the Pooh Bear! Fearing lawsuits from PC loving/cartoon-violence hating parents and lawyers, the creators hastily returned to the drawing board, and the way-too-cranky Eegore Hunny-Badger was declawed, defanged, given a complete makeover, and reintroduced as the still way-too-cranky, but definitely far-more PC and docile Eeyore the Donkey... at least they let him keep nifty clip-on bow tail!

The tubby little cubby was re-stuffed with fluff, and after a few thousand stitches was good as new.

 ©2011 Barry/Right-Hemisphere Laboratory

The Beard of the Ranger is Upon You!

It's not the eyes of the Ranger that bad-guys need fear... it's the stubble!

As a public service to our readers, (and an opportunity to simultaneously goof on two of our favorite internet-crazes) we at Right-Hemisphere Laboratory, once and for all, have set out to debunk the widespread myth that: Chuck Norris is concealing a third fist behind his beard.

The above illustration (drawn from an actual true-life event) proves the "fist-chin behind-the-beard" theory to be impossible! Simply put, Mr. Norris does not wear a beard – Mr. Norris wears a Crazy Bad-Ass Honey Badger – the snarling psycho-beast that puts the BAD in BADger! This also explains why Mr. Norris never shaves his "beard" – A honey-badger beard is the toughest beard on earth, and no razor known to man, not even the Schiick Super-Duper-Hydro-Glide–Octo-Plus Blade TM can handle it's unbelievable toughness. Besides that, Chuck is an animal lover, and would never harm any animal, that he wasn't planning to eat – which would usually be raw: fur, bones, entrails, and all.

Pound for pound the Honey Badger is said to be the most fearless animal on earth (next to Chuck, of course), and is proven to be the only animal brave enough (or stupid enough) to live on Chuck Norris' chin. This new evidence, however, doesn't rule out the possibility of a third fist lurking behind the Honey Badger, but so far, no one insane enough to take a peek that "curtain of certain- death," has lived to verify this as fact.

Scientists still remain baffled as to what type of creature could be fierce enough to take up residence on Chuck's pectoral muscles –  it is their stated opinion that even a Honey Badger wouldn't be stupid enough go there!

The above rendering depicts one of the most beautiful examples of symbiosis ever found in nature – it portrays the stealthy, cunning, and lethal team of Chuck and his "Beard-ger" obtaining/preparing one of their favorite delicacies – a delicious meal of Black-Mamba Sushi.

So, all you  bad guys out there, unless you want a terminal case of stubble-burn... don't mess with Chuck!

©2011 Barry/Right-Hemisphere Laboratory